Probably stupid reason of depression/rants/others

[zelda]

You know...I don't even know what to do anymore other then to cry anymore.
The past couple of days of my life have been so frazzled with tring to have a social life (when im not good at it anyways) and keep up with cyberpetting things. I know other people here have had hard lives...but ya know I don't understand your pains fully and my pains feel strong to me. It hurts everything in my body, my head, and back. Which then in turn messes up everything in my body. So if my problem seems little to you or something...then ok but alls i want really is rant and let it all out.... and let you all know why I really haven't been posting much.

Number one: My life in school is getting harder with a friend, who is kindof like a sister to me. We had totally different attitudes and she expects things from everyone, since she is in a wheel chair. She expects everyone to fall to there knees for her, andim nothing like that I hate thinking that someone would do that for me...She has been really hurting my feelings alot by expecting things from me without asking, and she is just a mean mean person. Though I really am not mean and hate hurting others feelings specially family members or close half family friends like her. It is kindof confusing but yeah....she is kindof the main reason why I have a sore back.

Number 2: My friend online (Teddy bear) has been having major issues that I don't think he wants me to spill. Though I am so worried about him cause I haven't be able to talk to him since monday night...

Number 3: Now into the cyberpetting stuff.....Now make a note of this. I am not begging or hinting towards anything with what I am about to say!! I am simply stating how i feel right now at this stressful moment, and it will hurt me more if I don't say it....Now i will be honest I really really want a Puppet master, and I am going to earn it in some shape way or form. And I KNOW that everyone that has one themselves earned it as well....but yet it hurts me cause they make it look so easy or something to get one, and I know thats not true. It just doesn't help me when i am already stressed about other things. So it just bugs me a little more then normal right now. I love all you guys and I just want to jump off a cliff when i get jealous and angry when someone gets another PM......and every time I think about me thinking that I just can't stop crying because I feel like a horroble person.... ;-; and i am so sorry to everyone....

Number 4: My last rantish thing....I know I haven't been poking around that much, but really I just feel ignored at any place I am at online. Unless it is strictly a rp site. Otherwise like here...I just feel like my post and pms get wisped over and it probably isn't true at all....but its how i felt for a long time. Like in that one topic..which I can't remember what it was called. Where I know I also stated i felt invisible or something like that....I can't even remember right now>.< And like the above stuff i know it isn't true. My mind is just being evil to me right now x.x

But I seriously hate myself right now for feeling all of the above things that I do...I just hope getting it out in the open, and hoping that noone gets offended by any of this, that this will help me feel less depressed about whats been going on..

I am really sorry this is really long, and some things might not make sense...I been crying through-out typing this so yeah...

So I am going to page the one Euclide's I have and finish the two Xerin's from the free thing i did, then might disappear depending on how things are going for a while, and just take a break from Cyberpetting cause it is causing more stress then what it really should be for me. Doesn't help I am bringing most that stress on myself...so I am really sorry everyone...we will see how things go..school will be done soon and maybe I will be better, cause then i won't have to see my friend/sister and i shouldn't be as stressed

I hope noone is angry with me for anything I might have said (as you can probably tell I am really nervous about what some might think with what I have said...cause I might have worded things wrong..I am not sure..I hope not :/.....)

I am sorry again..but thank you for those who might read this..

[ferabird]

A note on #3 dear.... if it makes you feel any better....

I have one puppet master. And I had to buy him XD. Got him back in the beginning on shivuez.

[silvertip]

I'm so sorry for you........

If it makes you feel any better, the first PM you get will make you tremble all day. It's a good feeling once you get one. Maybe you should commision Mem for a Pope/Chief, she is accepting them. I plan to get a Pope myself soon. ^-^ If you cannot pay through snail mail I could pay for you it would be no trouble.... so long as its not a rare type...X3

Hope you feel better soon.

[zelda]

Heh I remember you having to buy your PM Fera^^; and I actually feel better now that I got out everything and slept on it. I was so scared to actually see what people might have said when I got on. Though when i thought out it I just felt calm for once since then.
I luff PM's and I hope to get one sometime^^

I could ST, though Defore and Amuni are not my strongest ML creatures i can rp and think of rping. x.x But thank you for the offer, and goodluck getting your Pope<3 *snuggles both Fera and ST*
I'll just keep working hard on ET and one day I shall own a PM<3

And I am sorry about my rant >.< Yesterday wasn't a good day for me <.<; Got hit in the head, touched on the shoulder, and leaned on by a kid who keeps humping the bus seat, and smelled rather bad x.x and he is annoying to>.< and that just didn't help me along with my friend so ya. Hopefully things will work out next week better then they did this week. I also hope i don't have to make another rant topic about any of my silly feelings any more ^^;;

Thank you again you two for replying<3 ^_^

[FlyingPanther]

I'm sorry if I ever make you feel bad because I've been really fortunate with Euclides and the like. Its not my intention at all V_V;. Honestly...while i get excited when i get something cool, I always feel really horrible to...because I know there are people out there that are less fortunate then me. I've just really been lucky with certain contests and with trades and such.

If it makes you feel better though...it took me a really long time to get my first PM, and once I did it became alot easier to gain more, and I get the feeling its that way with everyone. I think its all about just proving that you can take care of a PM first...and then once you have one...your are more capable of having others...or something *shrugs* And yeah...I dont know how much you like defore or amuni...but i know mem is REALLY looking for more popes and chiefs...so im sure you could get one of those...I would die for a pope ;o;

[zelda]

Don't worry about it FP, i just get a bit jealous when people who have one Pm get another. I know that it takes a lot of time to get one, and I actually figured that people who have one will get another easier because they have proven themselves^^; And really I don't have a problem with anyone having PM's I just sometimes get jealous heh. Though you shouldn't feel horrible about getting stuff cause you work hard to get what you get, so does everyone else<3

And like my issue with Amuni or defore, is that I am not very religious to understand the Amuni very much, and Defore I don't completely understand o.O; So I stick mainly with Euclide because I understand them, and I like the whole darkness thing about them^^;; If I understood them both more, I would probably go for more of them. Heeheh^^