It's Back Again...

[Kitty Love]

I just wish everything between one of the best friends I've ever had and myself could just... go back to being good. I miss him, I miss talking ot him, texting him, I miss his laugh, his voice, his touch... I miss.. .well... HIM. I was suppossed ot hang out with one person today, she neded up not bieng able to do anyhting, then I made plans iwth another.. .well... she told me to pick her up ... at HIS house. So I got htere... and waited, when actually her mother came and got her and took her to dinner and the texts she sent me never reached me... I sat in front of his hosue for 5 minutes, for nothing. It made me even more depressed cause he's home now, and he hasn't called me. I know I told him to call me when he was ready to be my friend again, but I dont' know how long that's going to take and every day it hurts, more and more. I've cried every night since I told him what I told him, I stopped eating for a few days, got extremely fatigued and dehydrated, I've tried talking ot people, just... nothing works cause I know it's not any better. I just want ot know he doesn't hate me... he's the only RL person that I've got that I can talk to about anything, that I can just wit with and say nothing and feel happy, we have so much fun together... but because of recent events it's come to this... come a very tearful conversation on tuesday where he told me a fact I already knew, that he needed a break from me ... so I told him I thought that, and that's why I prepared myself ot tell him that when he can accept my friendship again, that he should call me cause... I'm not going to call or text him anymore until then. It broke my heart to say that, I don't know where I found the strength to say it either... I know it's necessary, I know everything happens for a reason ... but the pain... it's just... to much. Even right now I'm crying. This is toughest thing I've ever had to do and you wanna know the worst part? He's the only boy who I can't just kill my feelings for. If it's inconvenient to me I can just squash them, I've done it time and time again, but nto this time. And I've tried, over and over again, but you knwo what? Even when all this over I'll still love him. I just, above all else ... want to know he doesn't hate me, from him. I keep getting told by a source I trust that he's afraid of losing me, and doesn't want it to happen... but... why can't he call? I told that same source that it feelsl ike a part of me is just.. .dieing, and I was told he had said the same thing. Just... please... come back to me... I feel so alone right now, so very... alone.

I don't know what to do... I don't know who to go to... I just... I don't know. I want things to be good again... I wanna be happy again... I just...

I can't even type anymore...

[Kitty Love]

I just thought things might've gotten a little better, then I made them worse... I always end up doing that. So how od I make thigns better? Down a thing of Spicy Hot V8 juice and set my presently sensitive tummy on fire... I wanna be sick.. .but I don't wanna lose thatm eal I had today, it'll probably be my last for awhile. I get depressed and no, I don't binge, I just ... don't eat at all.

And I feel silly replying to my own rant.. .but... no one else has so oh well.

[Jenn]

I wish that I were better at knowing what to say during situtations like this. All of my literacy and eloquence goes out the window when someone else is in such obvious pain. The only thing I can offer is a hug and my sincere hope that things resolve themselves in the end.

*hugs*

[Kitty Love]

I knowthis kinda thing is tricky... but it's good to hear some good things... thanks hun <3