Diary of a Tormented Soul

[~*Nyx*~]

The little male laid curled up under a bed in an abandoned house, low giggles could be heard coming from under the bed along with a slight scratching sound, possibly the sound of pen to paper?

The pain, the pain is exquisite. I find myself lifting my head or tail just for the jolt of mind numbing pain that rolls through my body. Sometimes I curse my mother for what she was, sometimes I wish to kiss her feet and thank her for the curse that she has laid upon my shoulders. Even now, I find myself lifting my tail just enough to get that first jolt, nothing more than a ache, but then again, it is so much more.

They think I am weak, always walking with my head down as if they are all better than I am. This is something that I can use to my advantage, something that will throw others off when I appear to them with my head down, looking subservient. Fools every last one of them. My half brother things to use me as merely a punching bag, but one day I will be strong enough to help him with his plans, something that I bet he won't see coming. Though I do look forward to the punishment I will endure for pushing my way through the ranks. Oh yes, that will be most rewarding.

Sometimes I think of the little terror mix I met on my travels. I can't help but wonder what fine mischief she is up to on the long nights. Also, I wonder if she has killed the little hairless creature she was having so much fun tormenting the night I met her. I may have to try to meet up with her again once I am stronger, once I am grown and can start on my plans.

[~*Nyx*~]

Why is it that everyone thinks I should be like my father? All I hear is 'Oh what a powerful male Jiaro is. . .' or something along those lines. There are females lining up for miles to have a chance to breed with him. I find this odd and wonder why. I have yet to even meet him and I am his child, then again, he does have hundreds of them running around, he probably doesn't have the time or stamina to keep track of all of them. Maybe I should track down this father of mine and find out what all the hype is about. After all, if I am even a fraction as powerful as he, the I should learn all that I can in order to better prepare myself.

I wonder what the attraction is? Is it something in the blood, or something more. Granted he is powerful, but why are there so many willing to lay down before him. . . in many ways. Do I hold some of this power he has or am I doomed to be the peon for the rest of my life?

The pain doesn't chase away these thoughts, it only intensifies them. With each thrilling jolt I grow more and more angry that people must see me as weak. I don't count it as weakness, the opposite in fact. It makes me stronger. With each mind racking jolt my mind and body grow stronger. . .one day. . .one day. . .


***Note: This is not a personal attack on Jiaro, just Jiv's take on things.

[~*Nyx*~]

My time will come soon. I can already feel my bones lengthening. It won't be long now before I am grown and can leave this small body behind. It is time that I met my fellow Cast members. I have been delaying it until I am stronger. Not that I will ever be as strong as most of them, but in this frail child's form I am the most vulnerable.

My tolerance to the pain I must endure when my head or tail is lifted has grown as well. I no longer fall into hysterical fits of laughter when the jolt of pain runs through my body. Now the only thing that betrays me is the deep purr that I cannot stop from rumbling through my chest when I make the mistake of over extending myself. There have been a few that have taken that purr for me trying to be friendly, and I have yet to make them see otherwise. It is good to keep others from seeing what I can truly do, just how truly ruthless I can be.

I will soon put my plans into action and make myself indisposable to my Cast Leader, my dear half brother. Even now I can see it all unfolding in my mind.

[~*Nyx*~]

A strange laughter can be heard from under the bed, followed by quick breaths and the shuffling of papers.

I fear that I am doomed to be nothing more than a child forever. I wake each morning thinking that maybe I will just be a bit bigger, but no, nothing happens. At least nothing that I am noticing and since I have hidden myself in this condemned house I don't have the opinion of anyone else.

It is all probably just in my mind. I am sure that soon enough I will be strong enough to start my plans. Though I fear that my plans are consuming my life. I might just go made before I have a chance to act on them. Why was I cursed into such a feeble body?

[~*Nyx*~]

It would seem that my fears of never growing are all in my head. These pains I feel in my bones can be nothing more than growing pains. . .they don't thrill me nearly as much as the pains I get from my 'curse'. . .yes, curse. . .that is what I have grown to call it. There has never been a more pleasant curse in history, I swear it. This is one of those time when I want to bow down and kiss my mothers feet for her weakness, or my fathers for picking such a weak mate. I may just seek them out in the near future. . .a little family reunion perhaps, gather all my siblings together as well.

That leads me to another train of thought. Do my siblings enjoy the pain as much as I do, or do they meery live with it as another of life's nuisances? I may just have to bring that question up to them.

[~*Nyx*~]

I think it is time that I explain myself. Not that I care what anyone that would happen to read this thinks, but it is more for myself, so that I know I will follow along with my plans and not get too distracted.

I will serve my half brother in the cast. I will do as I am told without complaint. He will see that I am not the weakling I am sure that he thinks I am. Not only will I prove to him I am not weak, I will prove to everyone that just because I wear the look of a subservient beast I am a force to be reckoned with.

I will meet my parents and some of my siblings. Thank them even for making me who and what I am. They will see, just as everyone else will that I will not be looked down on or pitied. I will make them all proud.

I will become a Puppet Master. . .they will all see in the end. . .